My aunt and uncle sent this to me and I had to share. I highlighted my personal faves (tee hee hee). I need a good laugh lately – my life is CRAZAY!
The Zen of Sarcasm
01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
03. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
04. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
05. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else
06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
09. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Can you relate to any of these? I can see how humor can save you from a lot of grief sometimes. I think there is a lot to be said for taking a step back and laughing at yourself a bit.
For anyone who isn’t already in on our little “secret” (ha!) we’re definitely moving! We even have a HOUSE to move into, and a DATE! Hooray! The official date we’re outta here is Nov. 30. Soooo many mixed feelings, and soooo much to accomplish! I think when I rule the world, I’m going to invent a machine that packs every box (making sure to place dishes on their sides and not filling large boxes to more than 50 lbs), notifies every business you’ve ever contacted while alive, cleans the house (especially under the Fridge – yikes, was I supposed to clean under there these past 5 years?), moves everything to your new location (in one peice, thank you very much), unpacks everything, redecorates the new place (okay, I kinda like doing that one), and what the hay – makes dinner for a year (as long as I’m being impossible).
I am so excited to be moving on – and though the story of how we obtained the house we got is a long one, I’ll tell you this much. There is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that the Lord’s hand has been in our lives, especially through this trial, every step of the way. Some day, when you’ve got about 2 hours, I’ll sit down and tell you how things came together – and I’ll explain my new and improved testimony of the Lord’s timing (and how it’s always the right timing). Have to say, though, that there were days when I felt kind of like my 1 year old did today…